How to Find a Therapist That’s Right for You
Finding a therapist that’s right for you can be a very daunting and frustrating task. Lauren O’Donohue knows this struggle well. She is the co-founder of Resilience Rally, a mental health nonprofit, and has been attending therapy for the last 7 years. In this blog post, she uses her experience to give tips on how to find a therapist that’s right for you, how to tell people you’re seeking therapy, and how to tell a doctor about your mental health struggles.
Backstory
When I started therapy over 7 years ago I didn’t know anyone who was actively going to therapy. I didn’t know the name of a psychologist or even the name of a therapy clinic. I didn’t know what mental illness I was struggling with but after googling my symptoms I thought I might have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
My therapy journey started in my primary care doctor’s office. I was having my annual physical and I finally got up the courage to tell her I’ve been struggling with what I thought was anxiety and OCD. I had never told anyone else that I thought I had these illnesses because I felt alone in my experience.
When I told my doctor about the thoughts and feelings I was experiencing and the behaviors I was engaging in to deal with those negative thoughts and feelings, she was extremely understanding and kind. She asked me a few standard questions about what I experience in my day-to-day life and had a couple of short questionnaires she walked me through to help me understand what kind of therapy could be the most beneficial. From there, she gave me a specific clinic and therapist that could work well for me. I called and went in to see my first therapist within a week. Therapy has absolutely changed (and saved) my life.
I’ve had many therapists over the last few years because certain therapists are better for different personalities and different illnesses/struggles. Just because you don’t connect with your first therapist does not mean that therapy is not right for you. I’ve been treated by around 8 therapists in the last 7 years because of the various life stages I was in, the specific concerns I was dealing with, the mental illness that was affecting me the most at the time, etc. Most of the therapists were wonderful but sometimes you just don’t click, and that’s okay!
Below is a list of different ways to find a therapist that will be the right fit for you.
Talk to your primary care physician about how you are feeling and ask for referrals and recommendations.
If you are experiencing a mental health crisis, go to the emergency room or a mental health urgent clinic. At an emergency room, you will be seen by a psychiatrist who can help expedite your recovery.
Google “therapist in my area”. I know it seems simple, but it works! Clinics will show up and you can read about each therapist and what they specialize in.
Call an intake coordinator at a local clinic and ask if they are taking new patients and if not, ask who they recommend.
Try the Psychology Today database and filters. Good Therapy also has a database. You can also use Zocdoc to find therapy and psychiatry covered by your insurance provider.
Try the Betterhelp program through Resilience Rally. Every member of the Resilience Rally community gets 1 free month of therapy and 15% off each month after that.
Ask trusted loved ones to help you with the process. You might be drained dealing with your mental health struggles, let others help you.
Ask a friend or family member who is in therapy or has been in therapy how they found their therapist or what clinic they belong to.
If you are in high school, your care does not need to start and end with the guidance counselor! You can ask them for recommendations of clinics and therapists in your area. They should have this information available for you.
Go to the mental health center at your University. Again, your care does not start and end with this counseling center. It can be a good place to find recommendations of therapists in the area who take your insurance. University centers often do not offer enough support for students with chronic mental health issues due to limited resources and number of therapists. Advocate for your needs and ask for information about off-campus resources!
Group Therapy (incredibly helpful and often less expensive)
NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness)
AFSP (American Foundation for Suicide Prevention)
NEDA (National Eating Disorders Association)
Therapy for specific demographics
The Yellow Chair Collective, an online support group for Black women
The National Asian American Pacific Islander Mental Health Association, a nonprofit dedicated to the mental health and well-being of the Asian American and Pacific Islander communities.
WeRNative, which provides Native American youth with tools for holistic health and growth, including mental health resources.
Below are some tips on how to explain your feelings to someone or communicate that you would like to go to therapy.
Remember that you do not need anyone’s permission to attend therapy, but it can be helpful to inform people in your life that you are taking steps to improve your mental health.
You can say something like “I have been feeling very anxious/sad/uneasy/restless lately and it makes daily tasks very difficult for me. I would like to seek help for these thoughts and feelings and I think that therapy would be very useful for me.”
If you get met with a response like, “Everyone gets stressed, you don’t need therapy”, a response could be something along the lines of “this anxiety is interfering with my day-to-day functioning and I would like to learn how to deal with it better. I think this is a very positive step for me.”
Remember that people should not be arguing with you about something that would presumably make your life better. Their reaction is a reflection of their thoughts on therapy and not their thoughts about you and how much they care about you.
Or try, “My doctor recommended that I speak to someone about some challenging thoughts and feelings I’ve been having. These feelings are extremely uncomfortable and hard to navigate on my own and I would like to speak to a professional to get their advice on how to improve my quality of life.”
Share a diagnosis if you feel comfortable along with any supporting articles or book chapters.
Below are some ideas/tips on how to tell a doctor you’ve been struggling with your mental health.
“I have (insert feeling or thoughts here) that are very uncomfortable and I would like professional help in navigating these hard emotions.”
“These thoughts/feelings can prevent me from living life to the fullest. I get too sad/scared/angry/upset to do the same activities with the same level of happiness that I used to.”
Site specific examples if you can. Ex: “I have noticed myself unable to complete my daily tasks, complete work projects online, I get easily overwhelmed by (insert situation), I have trouble traveling without panicking, I have noticed becoming extremely uncomfortable in (insert situation), I find it hard to focus, etc.”
List any symptoms you’ve been having. Examples may include —
Feeling sad or down
Inability to cope with daily problems or stress
Confused thinking or reduced ability to concentrate
Excessive fears or worries, or extreme feelings of guilt
Extreme mood changes of highs and lows
Withdrawal from friends and activities
Significant tiredness, low energy or problems sleeping
Trouble understanding and relating to situations and to people
Problems with alcohol or drug use
Major changes in eating habits
Excessive anger, hostility or violence
Detachment from reality (delusions), paranoia or hallucinations
Suicidal thinking
A few final things to remember…
You don’t need anyone’s permission to go to therapy.
Anyone can be in therapy. You don’t need to have a certain illness or struggle in order to qualify for therapy. Don’t compare yourself. You don’t need to be “bad enough” or worry that someone is worse off than you and not in therapy.
Be patient when finding a therapist and when trying to make progress in therapy.
Therapy is hard. It can be helpful to think of it like going to the gym — It’s hard, it makes your muscles hurt, and it’s uncomfortable at first, but it ultimately makes you stronger over time.
You might need to keep advocating for yourself if you cannot get in to see a therapist right away. Schools sometimes have waiting lists and so do some clinics. Get others to help you advocate for your needs.
For more mental health resources, tips for coping with mental illness, suicide prevention education, and relatable stories of resilience visit resiliencerally.com or @resiliencerally on Instagram!
If you’ve discovered that drinking alcohol is having a negative effect on your mental health and you’d like help giving it up, check out the Steady Sunday Squad virtual meetings.